Eventually it's time to force yourself to feel better. No matter what the conditions are.
Getting to this point hurt. A lot. And I hurt other people. A lot.

But first,
I don't care any more.
I don't need you.
I don't need anyone.
I don't need your approval.
And I don't need to prove my "worthiness" to you or what ever you'd like to call it.
This is my message, and I want it to say
REFRESH.
I'm starting over.
Clean slate.
If you wanna be in the picture, be my guest,
but the past is dead to me now.
Sure, it happened. But I'm over it. I've come to grips and forgiven myself and you so it really doesn't make much of a difference to me now because I'm starting over.

That's the wonderful thing about life. You can always start over if you really make an effort at it. Maybe it might take leaving the country and starting a new life, but what ever. If you want it bad enough, you can do it.

But I guess that what I'm trying to say is
I just don't care any more.
I'm tired of being sad all the time. So, I'm throwing out everything that I can dwell on and feel bad about. I did my best to try and fix it, but it wasn't enough. I've cut my losses and accepted the fact that I gave it my best shot, and that's what matters most to me. I can still come out of this mess with my dignity.

"So so what? I'm still a rock star.
I got my rock moves, and I don't need you.
And gess what, I'm having more fun.
And now that we're done, I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright, I'm just fine.
And you're a tool,
so so what? I am a rock star.
I got my rock moves, and I don't want you tonight."

Maybe I'll post something.

I may or may not be back.
Not that it makes a difference.

Bye.

But I want to be heard, and I don't want people to ask questions about it, and usually on here, no one ever does, so it's all good.
I'm just sick of people trying to justify some of the bullshit things they do. Nothing is ever anyone's fault any more! If anything it's pinned on the accuser for being to lenient, and that's wrong.
Rules are rules.
Standards are standards.
Common sense isn't so common any more.
I just don't get why it's so hard to take responsibility for your own actions and accept the outcomes and consequences.
I can expect some things from some people, and I can just let things be as they are with others. Because everyone's different.. That's acceptance. Only expecting as much as you think a person can handle giving you. And I guess it's not even really like, seriously EXPECTING it. It's more like hoping, or better yet, trusting.
For me, as far as forgiveness goes, you can ask my friends and they'll tell you I bounce back pretty quick, and I do my best to NOT act like a bitch in the downtime.. But I don't know. This time, I think I've really been cracked. I'm really hurt. Have you noticed how the most painful things that happen usually just completely blindside you?.. But also, they hurt even more when you realize it probably could have been prevented. Then it's a slap in the face from whoever it was that's at fault, and then a slap in the face from yourself.
It sucks..

I wouldn't say that this is directed at anyone. It's more of just some realizations and venting. Whoopdee friggin doo..
However,
Something did cause it.
I'm not gonna talk about what it was or even anything related to it because it doesn't need to be said, for the sake of reputations, opinions, and just flat-out drama prevention.

You can comment, but don't expect replies.

If I ever needed you to comment a journal, it's now.

So, my dad wants me to reach a goal this year. I said I wanted to lose some weight and get healthier.
He said if I reach that goal, I can have one of 2 things.
I can either get a new iPod touch (in case you haven't heard, mine recently got STOLEN.) or I can get a tattoo. He offered the tattoo just tonight. I have ideas for what I'd get.
I'd either get the tattoo on my hip(Right here [link] ), or on the back of my shoulder.(here [link] ) If it were on my hip, I'd want stars like, Kat Von D has around her eyes( [link] ) only bigger, and made more for the hip area.
I still don't know what I'd want on the back of my shoulder, but I was thinking something like a pretty pin-up girl. Not naked or anything. Just pretty. I want her to look classy, not skanky.

But see, with the iPod touch offer, he'd be getting me the new version.. Awesome, right? I got mine last christmas, but it got stolen right out of my backpack in the locker room. I miss it so much.. I miss my music, and being able to surf the net practically anywhere.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT MORE!

Tattoo would be there for life, and if it were tasteful, I wouldn't regret it.. but not many people would see it. I'd like some suggestions for what I should get. The hip star one isn't one I'm hell bent on yet, and if you think about it, that one could easily be runied by a pregnancy. The one on the back of my shoulder wouldn't ever really get damaged, but I don't know what I want. The pin-up girl was just an idea. Placement was another thing I could change too.. I'd like some suggestions :3

But yeah, iPod touch, or tattoo? I wish I could put up a poll...

Now I need to get back to my homework >>

...Your deodorant is cold?
I do.
...You forgot to take off your makeup before bed, so now you look like a dying prostitute?
I do.
...your temples are throbbing for no reason?
I do.
...the internet just WON'T connect, for no apparent reason?
I do.
...Nobody's impressed by something big you did?
I do.
...you want cereal, so you put the cereal in the bowl, and then you go to get the milk, and there isn't any?
I do.
...There's a picture you want to take, and the lighting is perfect, the pose is great, and then you try to fumble with your camera to get itto work, and you miss the shot?
I do.
...You haven't seen someone for a long time, and then right out of nowhere they expect you to do SO much?
I do.
...Your cat is in your lap, digging her claws into your leg?
I do.
...You go to use the bathroom to shower, or pee, or something, and it's cold in there? especially the toilet seat..
I do.
...People stand in the middle of the hall to talk, creating a wall of clueless dumbasses?
I do.
...People expect you to be in a good mood all the time?
I do.
...Someone else's phone goes off in class, making you panic and think it's yours for a second? (they're the dumbshits that give us a bad name.)
I do.
...You buy something, and then the next day, it goes on sale for half price?
I do.
...You fix something, but then it breaks again, so you have to unscrew everything and fix it again?
I do.

Sorry. Just not in a great mood today. Nobody's fault. Just rolled out of bed and decided to hate everything.